This week's Marriage Monday topic is Time.

Family time is very important to both J and me. But unfortunately that time does not come easy for us. At this point in our lives, we need to be a dual income household. But we have made many sacrifices to enable me to work part time. I work 2 full days a week and one morning (3 hours). The 2 full days I work, J is home with the girls – he being in retail allows his days off to both be week days. Tuesday morning when I am at work, he drops the girls off at a babysitter (in her home) at 9am and I pick them up at 11:30 – so they are with her for 2.5 hours a week. J works the remaining 5 days a week.

This obviously does not leave us much time for family days - the 4 of us. But for us, it was most important to put the kids first, as in keep the out of day care. We wanted them home full time with me, but with that not possible, they are home with me just about full time and get 2 full days with their Daddy. This has afforded J to develop and maintain a bond with them that I feel would not be there if he was only home with them on days when I too was home. So it has really worked out in that sense.

Obviously, we both get some great quality time with the girls, although separately. There is no shortage of Mommy-Girls time or Daddy-Girls time. And since J is home every evening, we also see each other each night. Of course, with all that has to be done around the house and since we have not days where we are both home, many things have to be done at night once the girls are in bed. So we still find ourselves having to “Schedule” quality time together. Typically, we make Sunday nights our night. It is the one night a week that we get to have dinner as a family. Eating as a family is very important to both of us, but with J’s schedule in retail management, he gets home after dinner (7pm most nights – 8pm in April & May). So Sunday is set aside for us. Also on nights when we are both home earlier, such as Wed/Thurs when I am home by 5:30, we try and take advantage as much as we can. We run errands with the girls if there is time or we take walks. The girls love their walks – and they are so cute to watch on the walks. Or any other outside activity. J also has a bike trailer which they love to ride in.

When J and I set aside time for us as a couple, we will either watch TV (if there is anything on that we both like) or chat about our day, etc. He does not like to read (other than car magazines), so sometimes, he’ll watch his car shows and I’ll read a book. We don’t get out to eat much, even though we love to go out to eat – but we do enjoy those rare nights out. I’m not too picky on what we do, as long as we get a night a week to ignore the looming list of chores.

We both also enjoy our time with friends. I have been getting out once a month with my one gf and that has been great. J will try to get out with a friend here and there or with his brother. Other than that, my gf time is more around play dates. Then the kids and Mommy’s are entertained.

Alone time has never been a huge thing for me. Yes, we all get those times when we crave some time to decompress. But I can do that sitting on the couch with J with a book or the TV or just chatting. J definitely is the one that craves this type of time more. The lucky thing for that is he usually goes to bed later than me, so he will take that time to “wind down” as he calls it b4 going to bed – whether it is in front of the TV watching car shows or out in the garage tinkering on his “baby”.

The only thing that we lack in is time with the 4 of us. We do our best to make the most of the hours a week we do get where all of us are home. Other than that, the family time we get is when one of us takes time off from work. It gets hard b/c there are obviously other obligations where these days are used – birthday parties, visiting family, etc. That is why our time as a family is prime time and we truly make the most of it. Every year, J takes off on Mother’s Day (and now Father’s Day) and we have a Mother’s Day brunch here. And we are looking forward to our week long vacation in June. Among all the other days off J has schedule for Spring and Summer – I am really hoping we can get some days for just us to go to amusement parks, the Zoo and maybe the boardwalk.

We can hope that one day our situation will be such that we can have one day a week together – the 4 of us. But until then, we are doing the best we can to give the girls what they need the most – and that is to be with Mommy/Daddy full time and to get that time with the 2 of us, even if it’s separately.