You spend your entire childhood wanting to be an adult. You can’t wait to be a teenager, then you can’t wait to drive, then you can’t wait to be a legal adult, then you can’t wait to drink, then it’s graduate college. You want to get out on your own and take care of yourself. Then, for me, I couldn’t wait to get married and of course, have children. Now – all I want to do is STOP time, or at least slow it down a bit.

Kayla, the child I waited for and struggled to conceive for 2.5 years is now 2. Alysa – the one we never thought we’d have and the one we almost lost is 9 months – she is all over the place and is taking tentative steps (3 being her max so far). I can not believe how fast this time has gone. We all know time flies. We constantly tell each other how fast the year has gone, etc. But having children, puts a whole new meaning to that phrase. I have enjoyed each and every stage of my daughters’ lives. And at each and every stage, I have wanted to find a way to freeze time. This probably accounts for the volume of pictures I take of them. My family and friends are very patient and kind with the large albums I send out monthly (and some in between). I love them just as they are. But I also have so much excitement and anticipation for who they will be tomorrow.

With both of them, I have jumped for joy and done happy dances when they reach a new milestone, but I have also cried when they leave a stage and when Kayla has learned to say something the “right” way. Kayla used to say ice cream with her nose crinkled up, in a nasally voice. It was so cute – but it’s near impossible to describe. She also used to make the pig sound by breathing in and out really heavy and grunting – it was so much cuter than ‘oink’. I remember the day this stopped – it was this past Easter and my 30th Birthday. I was crushed as I tried to show off to my IL’s how cute she said “oink” – but this time she did it the “right” way. What a present, right?

Kayla’s newest big girl thing is to call me Mom. Come on, she’s 2 – isn’t this young to be switching from Mommy to Mom? And it is also getting more and more frequent. And on the way out is Ni-Ni being replaced with ‘Good night’. So, where I used to get “Ni-ni Mommy”, and now get (some nights) “Good night Mom”. Where did my little girl go and who is this in her place?

Kayla will now answer some questions directly – as opposed to repeating what I say if it’s what she wants. In the past, if I said “Kayla, do you love your Mommy?”, she would respond “Love Mommy?”. But now she will answer “Yes”. And Alysa, screeches with delight over something she finds silly. I will hear her laughing all by herself while playing with a toy. It’s amazing to be able to see their mental development (as well as their physical). I would truly LOVE to be in their heads for 24 hours.

As I watch my girls grow up I know there will come a day WAY too soon that they will crave to be bigger and older than they are. And I will crave for them to be the little girls they should be. So each day I strive to soak in as much of them as I can. I try to engrave in my memory how they look, feel, sound (this is evident by the video and digital camera attached to my hip and the digital voice recorder I carry around) and act. I see them both growing up way too fast. But then there are the times, when Kayla will crumple to the ground in tears and a tantrum because I told her she can not watch Dora b/c she is done with tv for the day and I smile to myself, happy to see my “baby act her age”.

Oh and one more thing – can’t I keep ‘Mommy’ for a little while longer???