About Me


Southern New Jersey

I am a Mom to 2 amazing and fun daughters and wife to a great guy and a wonderful father!

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Kayla, my oldest. She is 4 1/2 and is a sweet, loving and silly little girl. She took us 2 ½ years and 3 IVF’s to conceive. Kayla is allergic to dairy. We manage her allergy and work to balance her safety with giving her a normal childhood. Kayla loves to read books and play games - she amazes me every day.

Alysa, my youngest. She is 3 years old and is a silly little spitfire. She’s our monkey and loves to climb on everything. She was a “natural” baby, but it was only b/c of my wonderful doctors that we were able to stop an impending miscarriage. Alysa suffers from Acid Reflux Disease and sleep apnea. She may be little, but she has a big personality. She adores her big sister and is so much fun to be around. She keeps me laughing every day.

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Monday, September 04, 2006
I'd Try for a BABY
Recently, my sister posted on her blog that she gets some very surprised, rude, insensitive and ignorant comments when people find out that she had her 3rd child this past December. I have thought a lot about that, because as DH and I don't plan on having any more, I get a lot of the opposite comments. It is all about perceptions. My sister's first two children are a boy and a girl (in that order). So according to society, she has the "perfect" family. So everyone seems surprised that she would do something so "crazy" as to have another baby. I, on the other hand, have 2 girls. So all I get is "Are you going to try for a boy?" So if you have one of each, you should not consider having more, but if you have 2 of the same sex, you should continue trying for that “perfect family”?

There is nothing a Fertility survivor (or sufferer) hates more than people thinking it’s their business to question your reproductive plans. Depending on your current mental state, it can send someone into a tailspin. Now that I am in the Survivor category, I can field these types of questions with a new strength. It no longer sends me into despair, but it still hurts.

If DH were to tell it, we are perfectly content and happy to stop after our 2 daughters. He has always ONLY wanted 2 children. Even if our IVF had yielded twins, he always said we’d be done. I, on the other hand, I have always said 2 or 3, depending on where I was in my life (with my DH of course, but I had this in my mind b4 he was in the picture). So as I have been struggling to come to terms with having “only 2”, it’s been tough. And I can’t say it pleases me to field the questions – “Are you going to try for a boy?” Yes, if we had no fertility problems, things would be the same, in that we would be having no more than 2 children. So why is it so hard? Because it has not been OUR decision. My failing reproductive system and the cost of getting pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy is way too high for us to even consider having a third right now. Don’t get me wrong – I am over the moon with my two precious girls and I love them dearly and wouldn’t change them for anything. And truth be told, I’m perfectly content having my 2 girls. But I know that if DH and I had had the need to sit down, toss around the pros and cons of having a 3rd and decided to stick with the 2 we have, I would feel differently. DH doesn’t understand this, but he’s been supportive in how I feel.

I have recently been packing up all their baby clothes and selling them on eBay and giving some to Good Will. This had hit me hard. So for me, it’s not about discontent with my life as it is now, but the inability to choose to have or to not have any more children. It’s just one of the many scars left from my battle with Infertility.

And as a Survivor, I will answer that question of “are you going to try for a boy?”. If we were able to try again for a 3rd, I would try for a BABY!

posted at 7:39 PM  

At 10:30 PM, Blogger Christine said...

Well put! I am much more sensitive now when deciding whether to ask someone if they're going to have any kids (or any question in that category) because of what you've been through. Family size is no one else's business!


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