Geez - has this week gone by already? I had every intention of posting this earlier in the week, but the time just got away from me.

Monday night when I got home from work, the girls were SO excited because they said they had a surprise for me. I was taken into the backyard to find this...







J got it for me and put it together with their help of course. And what makes it better is it was a "steal". It's something a customer at his store special ordered a couple of years ago and then never purchased. So J's boss gave it to him for next to nothing. I love a bargain!!! So now I don't have to fumble with table umbrella's anymore and I can sit in my shade at my patio table.

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Other than that, it's been a pretty low-key week. I gave up on undies for Alysa this week since that is the only time she has accidents. She's been accident free all week, so I'll try again tomorrow.

Planning for Kayla's party is in full swing and she's getting very excited knowing which friends will be there. I have to start thinking about the menu, which, if my one friend comes (who I met in my support group) will be free of dairy, peanuts, tree nuts, strawberries AND eggs. That will accommodate 3 other allergic children besides Kayla. The eggs shouldn't really be difficult (which makes it easy to leave out), since I make all my food from scratch anyway. It mainly means no potato or macaroni salad. I never make deviled eggs in August anyway. But I got a new kielbasa recipe from a Mom at gymnastics, so I think I'll try that out.

Monday night when I was leaving Kayla's gymnastics class, one of the Dads came up to me and said him and another Mom were talking and he asked if I'd be interested in taking the kids out for poison ice cream after. I, of course, thanked him for the offer, but declined and explained Kayla's allergy. He immediately asked if she could have water ice. So it looks like we'll be going to Rita's. There really are so many people out there that are willing to put out the extra effort. I spoke to the manager tonight of the nearby Rita's and he's pretty sure that they can put something aside for us. She can't eat anything out of an open container (b/c of cross-contamination) and since it will be 7:30 when we go, they won't have anything sealed anymore. I have to call tomorrow night to talk to the owner to confirm that it can be done. I'll go in the morning if I have to, pay for it and come back later to eat it. Of course, this is way out of my comfort zone since the other kids may very well get custard or cream ices, but...it again comes down to the battle between keeping her safe vs. letting her do normal kid things. Since it's a small group, I want to give it a shot. Just know there will be one super stressed Mommy at Rita's Monday night!

So often, food allergies are in the news with a negative spin. Whether it be a lawsuit against a company for making a mistake (whether deserved or undeserved) or a child intentionally trying to harm another with an allergenic food. There has been some good educational press lately, but you rarely hear the good, positive and heartwarming stories.

I got an e-mail from a very good friend of mine this past week. She lives in California and we met during our battles with infertility. She recently attended an 8th grade graduation ceremony for the child of a friend. This is the story she sent me.

... on Friday night! We went to the 8th grade graduation for the daughter of one of our best friends from college. It was a wonderful ceremony. Each student had picked the name of a fellow student at random a few weeks ago, and they had to write an introduction of their classmate. Then the person who was introduced made a short speech, reflecting on their time at the school and what it had meant to them. (This is a small private school that goes K-8, so some of the kids had been there for 10 years!)

Anyway, one of the girls came up to make her speech and she started talking about all of the challenges she'd faced during her time at school, including several serious food allergies. She then said, with a huge smile, that she'd finally outgrown her dairy allergy this past year, and all her fellow graduates erupted into a spontaneous cheer for her. She went on to describe how, when she found out that she was no longer allergic, several of her friends got her a huge bag of goldfish, and they all sat with her while she got to eat her very first one. It was really touching to see how grateful she was to her friends for supporting her throughout the time she had the allergy.

I immediately thought of Kayla and so fervently hope that she will have this kind of support and understanding from her peers as she manages her allergy--and, of course, that one day, she too will be able to say that she USED TO have a dairy allergy. Keep the faith, hon!

Every time I read this story, it brings tears to my eyes. Not just because this girl finally outgrew her allergy, but mostly because of the support and love she received from her friends. Yes, there are kids out there that are cruel and will do dangerous things. But I truly believe that most kids, when given the chance and freedom to act on their own, have an amazing capacity for compassion and understanding. I have witnessed children's desire to either make an environment safe for Kayla or find her a safe alternative. I have seen this in my own nephew and her friends at preschool.

Of course my hope is that Kayla outgrows her allergy WAY before 8th grade, but if she does not, my strongest desire (aside from her safety) is that she has friends and classmates like this 8th grader. Friends that support her during her allergy and rejoice with her when she finally does outgrow it.

I apologize for the delay. Alysa’s pottery training is going pretty well (for the most part), but she is staying up later and later and wanting to go potty every 10 or so minutes at night until she finally falls asleep sometime after 10. She’s been up during the night a few times to go potty. This is all good, except I’m exhausted. Now if I can only get her to stop being so distracted during the day because that is when she has some accidents. But for 2 1/2 she’s doing great. The funniest thing is in the house playing with Kayla, she’s more likely to have an accident. Out and about she’s never had one and in the pool of all places, she’ll get out to go potty (I bring a potty out with us). But anyway, in addition to my lack of sleep, I have a cold so have been pretty miserable.

But, I had the meeting with the owner yesterday. I’m a bit up in the air about the whole thing. It went well overall, but I’m not feeling that much better about the director. The owner was very apologetic and even admitted to knowing how she can be. She admitted that she has been spoken to that way by the director before and she knows it can be a problem. She said the majority of parents have not encountered this, but in my opinion, one is too many.

She defended the director in the sense of, she was worried about the picnic and she was with her class. My point is if she was with her class, then she should not have chosen that time to say something to me. She seemed to understand where I was coming from and why I did what I did. I also made it clear that I was not “telling the other parents what to do”, but was simply informing them and asking for some assistance and that this is what I need to do. I also noted there was NO ONE of authority around to help me and they were contaminating everything in site. I explained that with regards to me being with Kayla, I had to know what was going on upstairs, without that, I could not adequately protect her. If I had been downstairs and not upstairs, I would not have known other foods made their way into the picnic and that the drinks were contaminated (although I always err on the side of caution anyway).

She assured me that the director cares so much about the kids and is very involved with the allergy protections they put in place. She assured me that she would never take out any ill feelings on Kayla and that she will not unduly influence Kayla’s new teacher against me. But…her point was that the director is professional. But, how can that be said when she was not professional with me the day of the picnic? She told me she was glad I went to her and that she did need to know. When I asked her if it would help or hurt the situation to have a conversation with the director, she said it may make the situation worse. She even admitted that the director may possibly not deal with me good in the future. And this is called professional?

She seemed pleased that I was happy with the care Kayla has gotten and told me in the future, with things of this nature, to go directly to her – the next picnic, etc.

I’m a bit at a loss right now. I certainly don’t want any friction. If it will carry with me, how can it not spill onto Kayla? But if it won’t I don’t want to go through finding a new school. The evil you know is better than the evil you don’t know… Not to say I think there is anything “evil”. But I also know I will most likely be up against much worse in the public school. And as long as Kayla is taken care of, who cares if the director doesn’t like me. Right? I hope so.

So for now, I will let things play out. I will be on high alert and gauge things better when I talk to Kayla’s new teacher in August.

Oh and in some very positive news. The owner is very interested in having their allergist come in to talk to the teachers and staff. It probably won’t be until October’ish since the school has very little staff there over the summer. But I’m very happy that she is interested in going that route. That went a long way towards easing my mind. The more educated I can get them, the better for Kayla and all of the others there currently and those to follow after her.

Quite a few months back, my Sister and I discussed purchasing a custom blog design for our father for Father’s Day. He’s really into his blog and we thought he would enjoy and benefit from a look that better reflected him and the messages/opinions he was trying to portray. In the end we decided to give doing it ourselves a shot. She has an excellent creative mind and I have the Photoshop knowledge, as well as minimal html knowledge.

Yesterday, I was able to show him his new design and load it into his blog. It is something I am very proud of and I have been chomping at the bit for months to share our idea and my hard work with all of you.

Please pop on over to my Dad’s newly designed blog and let me know what you think!

Now my Sis has gotten me started on redoing her blog. I’ll let you know when that is finished! First I have to get Kayla’s invites done. I’ve been having a creative block…

At school, Kayla made a present for J. There were sentences about him that she had to finish. She told her teacher about J and she wrote it down.

Here is J through Kayla's 4 year old eyes...

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We had a nice day. J had to work, but was told by his boss to go in late so we could have breakfast together. My parents and I took the girls miniature golfing and then we spent the afternoon in the pool and had a nice dinner.







*With their swim vests they are all over the pool "all by myself"...




I hope everyone had an enjoyable Father's Day!

Alysa, my 2 1/2 year old is going to cost us a lot of money when she gets older. She has a cute pair of white sandals with a yellow tulip on it. They are very adorable and she loves them.

Yesterday, she was wearing a blue shirt. I told her to get her sandals on so we could take Kayla to school. The next thing I know, she's rummaging around in the shoe basket by the door telling me she needs her blue sandals. I told her she doesn't have blue sandals. She told me she needs blue sandals to match her shirt.

Fast forward to today. She was supposed to be getting her sandals on. She started getting upset and told me she needed her orange sandals. I told her she doesn't have orange sandals. She told me, as she grabbing onto her shorts, that she needs her orange sandals that match her shorts. It took some convincing to get her to put her adorable white and yellow Stride Rite sandals on.

Does anyone know if the dollar stores sell shoes???

I can not believe that today is the last day of Kayla’s first year of preschool. 9 ½ months ago, I sent her off to school full of fear of her being in someone else’s care. I watched her venture off into a new chapter in her life. One that brought her a new level of independence and gave her a whole world away from me. A world that I have only gotten snippets of out of her. Through the year, she has gotten more talkative about school and her friends, so I have learned some of what her mornings at school are like. But the biggest telling signs are the changes I have seen in her. She went from a 3 year old with, what I believe was a good foundation to an almost 4 year old who knows things that surprise me every day. She knows the Pledge of Allegiance (but will only say it if she can see our flag out front). The one-to-one ratio of counting clicked during her first month of school, so she is a great counter now. Her level of independence has grown immensely. She loves the United States and knows where quite a few of the states go in our USA puzzle (she’ll end up better at geography than I am). She knows she can get help from others like her teachers and her friends at school (note Ethan helps with the USA puzzle). She can count and knows her numbers and letters even better than she did when she started school and she does amazingly well with her sounds and what starts with which letters (this came from her teacher). Most importantly, she learned through the Montessori environment that learning is fun and she has loved every minute of school. Every once in a while she’ll tell me what materials she used (pouring or the cylinders) that day. I have started getting “Miss Danielle says…”. She asks to go every day of the week and is never happy when she doesn’t go on the weekends. So many days, she had to be dragged out of the school building because she wanted to stay. She’ll say she’s excited about the break from school, but I know it will be a rough transition for her. I also see such a pride in her knowing that she goes to school and knowing all that she has and can accomplish there. I also know from a chart of her growth (that they did at school) that she has gained 2 pounds and 2 inches since her first day of school.

When I picked her up she was sad to leave her friend and said she wanted to stay and play ball with them (the full day kids were all outside). It is amazing the changes in her both in her growth physically and mentally. What happened to my little girl?

Just look at how much she's changed...

Her first day of school – September 5, 2007


Her last day of school – June 13, 2008

A little later, but here they are...

J's Open House at work:


Kayla on the pony - she never would have done this a year ago.


Alysa the dare-devil will do most anything.


Alysa loving her balloon animal.


Kayla would not have gotten her face painted a year ago either. She's getting too big!


This is my favorite picture - she was so proud to show J her face.


Strawberry Picking:

Alysa was SO excited to go to Bob Evan's with J and I while Kayla was in school. Thanks Thea.


On the wagon ride


Alysa picking - so proud




Kayla took her job very seriously


Kayla smelling some cherries.


Here's my favorite sequence from the day. Alysa picking a cherry...




Finally - me and my girls - VERY hot - but we had a great day!

I am not one for extreme temperatures. I do not do well in the bitter cold and I can’t stand to be out when it’s really hot and humid. So imagine my enjoyable weekend with it being in the 90’s Saturday and Sunday and hitting 100 yesterday. This could all have been tolerable, had I been INSIDE! Saturday, the store J manages had their open house. And his boss goes all out with food (which of course we could not eat) and face painting, balloon animals and pony rides, as well as other animals to pet and play with. I figured we’d drive there, ride a pony, pet some animals and leave. Nope – two hours later…miserably hot with two very cranky children who did not want to do much anymore, but did not want to leave, we left. Their favorite part was the pony rides and the baby chickens. Kayla even got her face painted (she never would have done that last summer). Alysa, after seeing Kayla’s butterfly face, wanted hers done. By the time it came to be her turn, she was DONE! So she did not get painted and we prepared to leave, but…not without one more pony ride. It was good for us to go – we finally all got to see J’s store and meet his boss and coworkers. The girls were beside themselves with excitement to go to Daddy’s work. He was the proud Daddy showing off his girls. It was a sad car ride home with Kayla telling me and my Mom (she came to see the pony rides) that she is “really going to miss Daddy”.

Later that afternoon, my Mom stayed and I went up to a gathering at a friend’s house. It was a lot of fun, but I paid for it on Sunday. It’s an hour away and since I hadn’t slept much the few days prior (due to the school saga), I was wiped. Getting home at 1:30am when you’re already exhausted doesn’t do the body good. Yesterday, I took off from work so we could take the girls strawberry picking. Fun you say? Of course, except it didn’t have to be a 100 degree day! It was brutal, but at least the farm was empty. We spent $27 on strawberries and cherries. We have a lot to eat. Yesterday afternoon, the girls would not hear about staying inside. They frolicked in the kiddie pool while J worked on getting the big pool ready (oh, why couldn’t it have been ready for the weekend…) and I sat miserably in the heat watching the girls enjoy themselves. Oh to be young again and not be bothered by the heat…

In the school saga – I have decided to go directly to the owner. I debated and agonized over this and came to the conclusion that regardless, she needs to know. It is equivalent to going to the Super Intendant in a public school. I know that no matter what way I go, I risk the situation getting worse. There are other reasons I don’t think going to the Director again will go well. Last summer, I scheduled a meeting with her and Kayla’s teacher to go over her care – the Director was too “busy” to meet with us, so I only went over it all with her teacher. In September, the Director asked me for permission to speak to her doctor. I was fine with this (and gave both her doctors permission to speak to her about Kayla) because the more information they have the better equipped they will be. But I got the impression from her tone, it was more for her to see if I was exaggerating Kayla’s situation. She never did call either her allergist or pediatrician. In early May, I left a message with the secretary there for the Director to call me and I was clear that I wanted to have our allergist come in to the school (free of charge) to meet with the teachers and staff to go over food allergies. He does this and is a real advocate for children with food allergies. I told her that it would be a good refresher and some good new info since the world of food allergies are changing. Fewer kids are outgrowing milk and egg allergies, so they will be seeing more of those allergies in their school in the coming years. The Director never called me. They are all fairly “minor”, but put together they show a pattern of disregard for the severity of food allergies. I have drafted a letter to the owner which I will get to her tomorrow. I have also scheduled a meeting with her for next Wednesday (June 18th).

In light of all of this, I decided I wanted to show my appreciation (aside from just saying thank you) to Kayla’s teacher and aid. So I gave them each a little Longaberger pottery bowl filled with freshly picked strawberries and a thank you note. Without them, Kayla would not have been as safe as she was this past school year.

I hope everyone else who has been in this stifling heat stayed cool over the weekend. I know I’m still paying for not staying inside more.

*Note - I will be posting pictures later on this evening.*

I’m glad that both today is over and Kayla’s school picnic is over. Let’s just say, Kayla got through without a reaction, but it is the first time I’ve been given something bad to say about them.

I will reiterate that Kayla’s teacher and TA (teacher’s assistant) were and are wonderful. So is the admin assistant (who is the one I’ve dealt with for all the preparations). It was decided that they would serve safe hot dogs and buns, macaroni and cheese, fruit and vegetables and safe Rita’s Water Ice. I had discussed in advance about having wipes there for the other adults to use to help the kids wash up after eating. I went in there with a tray of fruit and Kayla’s safe food (due to cross-contamination reasons, I still would not let her eat their food). Since we were told to get there 45 minutes before their classes end, I figured I could take the opportunity to help a bit with the set up. I stayed away from the food (fruit/veggie trays, soft pretzels and brownies) and helped with the juice boxes and water bottles. During, I remembered that Kayla’s “dairy button” was still in the car, so I went to get it. When I came back, the parents who had been preparing the pretzels were then helping with the juice boxes. So I quickly went to sealed packages and took out a juice box for her and opened the water so she could have a water bottle. I then took it upon myself (since the teachers were all occupied) to talk to the other parents and let them know about Kayla’s allergy and how sensitive she is and about the wipes, etc. They were all very receptive and understanding. I then was told by a TA that the director wanted to talk to me (she was in the next room). If I only knew what was coming…

She proceeded to tell me that I did not have to “worry” about dealing with or talking to the other parents. That I was only there to “take care of Kayla”. Her tone was very clear – what she was really saying was that I was not allowed to talk to the other parents and that I should keep to myself. I tried to explain to her that I was keeping Kayla safe and that part of that was making sure the kids eating the cheese were cleaned up after they ate (they were all going to be dancing after lunch). She told me that they would make sure the kids she was sitting next to were washed up. I told her that was not good enough because the kids could very well change places, etc. She even had the nerve to tell me that “they changed the entire picnic for Kayla”. It is a miracle that I kept my cool. She kept repeating over and over that my only reason for being there was to take care of Kayla and she was MY obligation and responsibility. Like by somehow me being there by her side would null and void the risk of the dairy on the hands of her classmates. At one point when she told me that I had to stay by Kayla’s side and I told her that I would, she told me “Well, she’s downstairs and you are up here”. My response? She is IN class! Class doesn’t get over until 11:30 which is when the picnic starts – she is safe in her classroom with her teacher and TA! I finally had to tell her that I didn’t need her to tell me how to keep my child safe. That having the children wash their hands is what has to be done to keep her safe. She eventually said they will take care of having the children wash their hands. I basically walked away from her at that point – partially b/c I had to before I said something I’d regret later. I left the other Moms (who I’m sure think I’m a total slacker as a helper) and went down to Kayla’s class. I was so angry I had a hard time holding back the angry tears and tears of frustration. From then on I knew I was “on my own” and did my best to work with what I was given. I am still so thankful for her teacher and TA. Those kids who did not want macaroni and cheese sat on blankets with Kayla and the others sat on other blankets. Her teacher helped me heat up Kayla’s food and took over watching her so I could get Kayla’s water ice before the other parents dug in (after they touched all the other foods). Her teacher handed out wipes to her class after they ate so they were all cleaned up. Later, when they were going to sing, the director did tell me all the kids had their hands washed. I thanked her, but the damage had been done.

I can’t easily put into words how angry and upset I am. Yes, they made adjustments today, but they did NOT change the entire picnic and I could not have been more appreciative. Thankfully her attitude does not reflect onto the rest of the school b/c the staff has been wonderful and I have always gotten a really good vibe from the owner. I was nervous and anxious enough going into today and the encounter with the director really made me sick to my stomach. It has thrown me off so much today that I showed up at Alysa’s feeding therapy without her food. I’m glad her therapist has known me for years; otherwise I’d be worried she thinks I’m a total flake. I told her what happened and she nailed it with her response of “there’s nothing like isolating you”. It is very hard and isolating having a child with food allergies. It’s even harder when you’re made to feel bad about how difficult it is to manage. All I try to do is let Kayla do what the other kids can. I want her to be involved and enjoy the same activities and events. I was there to take on the brunt of the work and care she needed and the anxiety and yes the liability. I knew the day would be hard, I never dreamed I’d be made to feel so low.

It was suggested to me today to write a letter to the owner. I’m a bit torn. There is the anger in me that is driving me to want to, but the Mom in me is worried about repercussions. Despite the director’s attitude, Kayla has been so very well cared for by her teacher and TA and others. She has 2 more years there and Alysa has 2. They don’t have to take Kayla (they are a private school). I worry about retaliation of some sorts, even through them being less accommodating. I would love any thoughts and suggestions.

Alysa’s still going with the potty thing. With Kayla, it took a day and a half – with Alysa, it’s not as fast, but I’m still very happy with her progress. She has had some accidents, but mostly she’ll stop going to get to the potty, which I think is a huge thing. She does not do well with the training underpants b/c they are just too absorbent. We are going to try regular undies and see if that makes a difference. Yesterday, J tried the rubber undies and although she knew when she started to go, they did not hold anything because, well, she’s 2 ½ and only 24 pounds. A lot of 1 year olds are 24 pounds. So they don’t fit the way they should.

There were times yesterday that I started to think maybe she wasn’t ready and maybe we should back off a bit and start again in a month or so. She asked J for a diaper a couple times yesterday. And the last thing I want to do is push her. But…then last night she wanted to wear under pants to bed. Later that evening, at around 9:30, we had heard jumping in her room for a while and I finally went up there to put an end to it. Her light was on and when I opened her door, I saw her, with no diaper on, in her pajama shorts (soaked through). Her wet diaper was on the floor and there were a few clean diapers scattered around the room. And…she had pee’d on her bed, on her chair and on her floor. Oh the joys of potty training. She has such a fierce independent streak and it makes me wonder if it’s too soon or the right time to potty train. She doesn’t want to wear diapers, that is for sure. We cleaned up her room and I told her she can only take her diaper off when Mommy and Daddy are with her. And then I put the potty in her room in case she didn’t listen. She finally fell asleep at about 10:30.

Kayla is very sweet though. She is so patient and encouraging. She’ll sit next to her while she’s on the potty and rub her arm and encourage her. Of course it helps that she gets some chocolate when she goes too. But I am going with the philosophy that she is just very caring and nurturing. She has also told me multiple times that “Alysa goes on the potty. Now she can come to my school!”

So I’m a bit conflicted, but I will do my best to follow her lead.

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I got my hair cut over the weekend. Alysa, after it was cut…
“Mommy, how beautiful you are!”

And I still keep getting this.
“Happy Mother’s Day Mommy” – Picture a big hug with this.