My girlfriend and I are planning on getting together with our 4 kids this coming Monday. And to make it more fun we decided to take them out and do something with them. Now, for most parents this is a stress-free event. But for me…well…there are always extra hassles to deal with. One of the suggestions was a local play place that I have never been to. So I went on their website and the place looks great. It’s for kids 5 and under. And for some with FA’s, it’s great as they are peanut free. We are peanut free, but not due to allergies, more for the fear of more food allergies. But of course, for the “convenience” of parents, they have a snack bar. Oh, why, oh why must everything revolve around food? I called them and they do not allow food in the play areas. But with other foods on the premises, it makes me nervous. There is a place that we go to and have a membership to – they do not have a snack bar. But they have an eating area with vending machines and then of course whatever the parents bring from home. They also do parties with cakes and pizzas, etc. So we can’t escape it no matter where we go. So I decided to try this place out and jump in and hope for the best which is all a Mom with a food allergic child can do. It’s a delicate balancing act – that of balancing the safety of a child threatened by food and a parent’s desire for that child to have a normal and carefree childhood.

Play dates are never easy for us. And I have wonderful friends. They are very understanding and do their best to make things as easy on us as possible. I am so grateful for the friends I have found and it’s why we are able to have play dates. But whenever other kids are involved, it means food is involved in some form, so it is always a situation filled with some level of anxiety.

So of course, last night, I took this anxiety to bed with me. Now granted, it was not consciously done as I fell asleep with no problems and the play place was not on my mind. I actually was reading the Fountain Head by Ayn Rand before bed and fell asleep quickly. But I did have a nightmare. I dreamt that I was at the play place with J and the girls. I had Alysa and he had Kayla (I only assume in my head he had Kayla to save me the added stress of having her be under my watchful eye in this dream). Anyway, she got away from J and we were looking for her. I found her in the snack bar area (which in my dream was right in the middle of the play area with no doors) and she was eating a huge tub of goldfish. I, of course, freaked out and ran to her. She was covered in head to toe hives. True to our experience, the hives did not phase her (they never have). And as I’m scrambling to get the Benadryl and hoping not to need the epi-pen, my subconscious was screaming – “she’s not outgrowing this, she’s not outgrowing this”. So you can also see that the knowledge and anxiety of her being retested in August is slowly creeping up on me.

It was a terrifying nightmare. And yes, for those who do not understand what it is like living with food allergies, it must seem a bit “comical” to be scared of goldfish. It’s a toddler staple and for most it is a benign snack. But for us, it means Kayla getting very sick and possibly worse. They truly terrify me. Most see their innocent little smiles on the package – I see an evil grin.I of course will be armed with Benadryl and Kayla’s epi pens on Monday. And I will go and hide my inner turmoil from Kayla and hope for the best. And as I enjoy watching (and chasing after) my girls as they run around and have fun as if they have not a care in the world, I’ll know I made the right choice.