About Me


Southern New Jersey

I am a Mom to 2 amazing and fun daughters and wife to a great guy and a wonderful father!

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Kayla, my oldest. She is 4 1/2 and is a sweet, loving and silly little girl. She took us 2 ½ years and 3 IVF’s to conceive. Kayla is allergic to dairy. We manage her allergy and work to balance her safety with giving her a normal childhood. Kayla loves to read books and play games - she amazes me every day.

Alysa, my youngest. She is 3 years old and is a silly little spitfire. She’s our monkey and loves to climb on everything. She was a “natural” baby, but it was only b/c of my wonderful doctors that we were able to stop an impending miscarriage. Alysa suffers from Acid Reflux Disease and sleep apnea. She may be little, but she has a big personality. She adores her big sister and is so much fun to be around. She keeps me laughing every day.

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Monday, March 05, 2007
Not a Nightmare, A Partial Premonition
A week ago, I posted about a nightmare I had about taking Kayla to a new play place. Well, it seems it was more a premonition in some ways. Not about the reaction - she had no contact to anything dairy. But to the lay-out. I got to the play place and the play room was not too big, it would have been fairly easy to manage with the 2 girls (the reason my girlfriend chose it). But the eating area was right off the play area, and it was not closed off. It was sort of partitioned off, but it had two openings directly to the play area and there were no doors, gates, etc. My heart sank and I could feel the anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. And on the tables in the eating area, was food and cups of who knows what as well as coffee cups. I was crushed and even more so b/c I knew what it meant for Kayla. The girl at the desk asked me if she could help me and I simply explained that we could not stay b/c of Kayla's allergy and that their "cafe" area was not closed off. She went on that it was for the Moms and that it's open so the Moms can watch their kids. First of all, I don't go to a place like that to relax - that is not what it's for. Or am I wrong? Who knows - it seems so many Moms around me think it's their "time off" when they go to play places. Sorry, I'm getting off track. She then said the place was peanut-free. I said, that's great, but my daughter is allergic to dairy and she will react from simply touching anything dairy. The girl was nice and felt bad. Poor Kayla was asking to go in and play and I had to tell her she couldn't. Then the tears started. Oh, my heart broke for her. The girls each got a free toy and some stickers out of the mess. But that didn't put the pieces of my heart back together as Kayla cried as we walked out the door.

I do think it's great that they are peanut free. Peanuts are an incredibly risky allergy and such a common one. Not to mention it can be airborne. But, they are not the only life-threatening food out there. I do not expect places to be completely closed off to food (it would be nice, but it's unrealistic for kids under 5 to not have a snack) or ban all of the Top 8 allergens. But I do expect places to use common sense. Let's forget the allergy aspect for a minute. I can't say I could pick out every food I saw on the tables, but I definitely saw coffee cups, which could seriously burn a child if it were to spill. Then I saw a container of hard candy - again, a huge choking hazard for a small child. And this place is only for under 5's. All of us Mom's know how fast a child can scoot away from you. And how much can happen in the 5, 10, 30, etc seconds it can take for us to get to them. Not to mention I had both girls with me, so I had to control a 2.5 year old and a 15 month old. There was no way that place was even near my comfort zone, let alone in it.

Now, I know this upset Kayla since she cried. And when she cried when we left, I lost it. I cried all the way to the car. When we got in, I called J crying. Now, Kayla had gotten over it by the time we got to the car. I'm STILL not over it. For some this may seem excessive. But as a Food Allergy Mom, it's a daily struggle to balance Kayla's health with what I want for her as a child. I don't want and try so hard not to let her allergy rule her life. There are some things that we can't get around - like we'll never be able to take her out for ice cream or pizza. These are hard for me to come to terms with at times, but it's doable b/c she doesn't know any different. It's all on me, not her and that's where I want it to stay. But I NEVER would take her to a place that she could not be a kid at. For example, I would not take her to Chuck E Cheese knowing it's a virtual mind field. I never wanted to dangle anything in front of her just to yank it away. And that's what happened today. I know I had no choice, but I still feel a heaviness in my chest. And I'm not a Mom who shies away from tears. I sleep-trained both my girls and I don't give in to tantrums. I can deal with those. But nothing breaks my heart more than to see them cry from such complete "devastation". Especially when she really doesn't understand what her allergy means yet.

So, as usual, my girlfriend was wonderful and we took the kids to the local Discovery Museum and they had a blast. Unfortunately I can't shake this since it's the first time she has felt the effects of her allergy. And I know it won't be the last.

Nothing to suck the party mood right out of you faster than disappointing your child.

posted at 12:43 PM  

At 2:56 PM, Blogger ChupieandJ'smama said...

Oh I'm so sorry!! It's so hard when things like this happen. It's even worse because Kayla and Jason are still so young that they don't completely understand. There are so many things that we don't do because of his allergies and for me I feel guilt for my older son too because there are things that we used to do that we know longer do because Jason can't (go out to eat, go to Chuckee Cheese's, Playland at McDonalds, join our Early Childhood group because EVERY activity involves food etc). My guilt overfloweth. We have Easter with the inlaws coming up and we decided that this year we aren't going. It isn't safe and we are just going to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. More guilt. If I lived closer we could cry together and then have an allergy free play group. HUGS to you and Kayla.

At 3:22 PM, Blogger Zany Mama said...

That's so tough. I got no wisdom, only empathy.

(Also, I finally posted on your "tag")

At 8:41 PM, Blogger Christine said...

Poor, sweet Kayla! Kids that age shouldn't have to experience that kind of unfairness.


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